Cold hands, warm shart.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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