It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
