That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize