We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
