They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.