The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
