I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
