I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
