Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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