I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
