My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
