Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
