all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
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