Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Randomize
