Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I cockslap morals
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
