You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm getting married
To pizza
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
