Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
