Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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