Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.