I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
