Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I need to calm my uterus...
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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