I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
