You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Randomize
