My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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