"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
