Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
