I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
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