Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize
