I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
