Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Randomize
