i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
