put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
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