i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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