The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
