KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
