He asked to "fluff my boner.."
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
