You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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