..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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