She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
