you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
