I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
