so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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