So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
