If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
