I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize