I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
