So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Randomize
