Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
