My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
