3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
