The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
