After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm experimenting with sincerity
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
