Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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