how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
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Some one left their pants in the elevator.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
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I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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