the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Is that strawberry winking at me??
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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