I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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