oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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