I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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