I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
