Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
