I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Randomize
