Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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