You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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